The last two weeks

high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8:39 MSG)

I haven't had words in awhile to write. I just did this blog thing cause I had to. But God today spoke to me today in away I haven't heard in a while. I understand something I have known for a while. God is for me, not against me. I know that, but today I understand a little more.

The two natural things for me is to give and to help. I must be honest the first week of taking a step back and looking into my heart was painful. On the outside I look like I have it all together, on the inside I was finished. I could no longer hold myself together.

This week I've been able to sit across people and just spill my guts and not feel bad for it. I've been able to understand I am not the only one. As I go through this, my heart breaks because I feel like many times we try to impress God with out abilities and charm. In all reality that is by far the most exhausting thing a person can do. I know because that has been me.

So as I write this I am laughing and enjoying life a little more. I am not healed, but I am allowing God to do the work in me.

Today I had a late lunch with David. We both were making jokes. To think just a few months ago he almost died twice. As a youth pastor I didn't know what to do. I've never been through that. Today I was just amazed that I was looking at a miracle. I started thinking to myself....Gods plan doesn't always make sense, but I must trust.

I am doing ok. I am learning to live for the moment.

Song that means allot

I can only imagine is the song tat to this day that means allot to me. Mainly because many times in life we try to imagine what God is going to be like, or what heaven is going to look at. In all reality are we really going to care?

At the same time the song brings back memories to the time I gave my heart to Christ, several years ago. When I heard the song it started to make me think where my life was an where it was going. I remember becoming overwhelmed with the presents of God.

As I imagine heaven I see...well, I am not sure an I think it's meant to be that way. I can guess, but in all reality I simply don't know. Not knowing is not always a bad thing. But I pray that God would continue help me press forward.

God is good

If I were to be honest the last year of my life has been bittersweet. The biggest struggle has been who I am in Christ. I've struggle with that for years. Today I was talking with a good friend and she said this:

"Just remember that God is never mad or disappointed with you; He's just longing for you to be closer to Him every day."

My struggle has been just that, feeling like I am letting people down and that I disappoint them. When I can't do something for someone I become frustrated.i need to stop that and simply enjoy him. I struggle knowing how to do that. Good to hear.

Frankie

The other day I logged on to Facebook and saw a post from a friend saying her and her husband took in a foster kid for the first time and they had nothing. I felt in my heart to to give to them. Now in these times I always take a student with me. I want them to see I don't jUst preach it, I want to live it. We went to Walmart and bought a bunch of stuff. My student bought this little seven year old a cartoon DVD.

As we gave the stuff to little Frankie, God really hit me with something. It was when we take care of orphans, the blessing is huge in our own lives. Then I started thinking about how we give. We give from the bottom of our hearts. Next Wednesday the student of mine and myself will meet up with little frankie to take him shopping. The real reason we are going is to simply build a relationship with Frankie and support a friend who is willing to take in a stranger and love them like jesus.

let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't. If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. (Romans 12:6-13 MSG)

Fear

Many times of my Life I've allowed fear to take over. Fear has always been my big downfall in life. The beautiful part Of fear is that you see the need for God: many times fear is wrapped up in in evil. But when it comes to fear we can see God is on our side. So the Goal is to see God in all situations.

What I want to be remembered as

If I could be remembered for anything, it would be the doing the small things to makes someone's life a little easier. I believe so many times in life we overlook the small and forget that those things are important. I also want to be remembered as a person who loves when it's not easy to love. So many times we will write people off because of attitude, we forget we were once in the same boat.

Last but not least, I want to be remembered as a person who simply did all he could do to the best of his ability. So much of my life was robbed by trying to prove myself. Now it's simply doing my best with what I have.

So if I was to go that is what I would want to be rememberd as.

To be honest

If I were to be honest with you, I have been at a turning point in my life for the last 8 months. I've only told one person this, but felt like making it public. God started prompting me to pray for my future family. My future wife and kids. People who know me know that is a huge step. I've always been afraid of relationships. My biggest fear was screwing it up, repeating family history, not being able to be the man God wanted me to me.

This fear did more than just cripple me, it stopped me from Doing Gods will. But God in his all knowing, had a plan for me. You see a young man walked into our youth group. I remember the day very well. That moment I knew there was something about him. I met his mother that night. Because of some past mistakes she was a little afraid to let her son go anywhere. But I talked her into letting him go with the youth group to Rosas.

He has never missed a Sunday. His parents and grandma started coming to church. Him and I built a strong bond. We eat together once a week. Out of nowhere I was asked to be his God father. His mom said there was a night and day difference in him.

But here is beauty, God used him to change me. Being in a partnership with him and his family has taught me I am going to screw it up, I am going to get things wrong. But what matters is that we do this life together. He's a young man who almost got into a gang, God through his grace and mercy allowed the two of us to impact each other. I have tears even writing this. This week Aline I have been so proud of him. AB honorrole, his mother has enough trust in him to extend his curfew. I can't tell you how many homeless people he has helped. how many lunches he has bought someone at school with the money he earns. Even his mother has said she has learned so much for him.

Together does work, he is not just a youth kid...he is family.

Random place to blog

I am sitting in kids village blogging. We are shooting a story a story on cribs. Well I know I haven't done anything the last couple of months. The last few weeks have been full of trials on many different levels. There have been alot of personal issues and family problems. bit I have to admit it had been nice to see people come together. For along time it was easy for me to share things with anyone. But lately I have three or four people I trust with my stuff. Those three or four people have become the best of friends.

So when we talk about doing things together I think we need to look around at who we have with us. I understand now that we can find anyone who agrees with us, but we need that person who will look us in the eyes and tell us straight up.

A few weeks ago I was stressing over small things. I had a 17 year old look at me and ask the tough question. "nick how long are you going to live this way." WOW! That hurt but it was good. He knew nothing other than the fact I was stress. That weekend I had a friend call me out saying enjoy life and the time you have.

I needed that. I needed someone to be honest with me. So with that being said...chill out and enjoy the time you have. Get away, do something you enjoy. God has giving us limited time we need to cherish the time we have.

My hero

It's hard to just pick one person for a everyday hero. So I thought about it a little this week, and this is what I got. My everyday hero would be the young person who has messed up and you can see him picking up the pieces and trying to make a change. The single mom who struggles paycheck to paycheck just to survive. Another hero would be the dad who chooses to have a relationship with his kids, despite how that kid came into the world. The man who takes someone elses child and treats them like there own. The person who is willing to take in a orphan and provide he/she with a family.

An everyday hero to me is a person who tries tO do the right thing. I must admit it is hard sometimes because I see so much bad. But when you sit and listen to people, you find that heroes are all around us. Intact we are all heroes to someone.

This summer

I have a love hate relationship with summer. I hate the heat, but love how it brings people closer together. This whole year has been a year of inner healing for me. What most people don't understand is that as soon as my dad passed I went right to work. I was 16 atvthe time. Summer meant I got to work more. Now years later I have come to the point to believe that life is full of work, at the same time life is about enjoying it. This summer even though my work day will continue, I have plans this summer to enjoy it.

At church we do alot fellowship time with the youth. I love doing that!I plan to make several trips to the lake. I am also going to be able to spend some time with dads side of the family. Some I haven't seen or spoken to since my dads death. Really I am learning life is about enjoying it.