On this Day!

Today marks twelve years since my dad's death. As I think back on it there are several questions I have asked and amazed of how much healing as taken place. I believe when you are 15 and you lose your father it is so much different then being older. Its has always been a bit difficult for me to show my emotions for some odd reason. The day he died I was emotionless in many ways and even after I did show a whole lot, but on the inside I was torn up. So today the few questions I ask are as followed:

• Have I became the man that would make him proud? 

• How would my life be today if I didn't have to go through that pain?

• Is it normal to fill a bit of anxiety to think in three years that I will out live my father.

One of my greatest joys is being sure that he is with Christ in heaven. There are times that I wished that I wouldn't have been that normal 15 year old mad at the world. I fill allot of times that I missed out on so much, just because I am hard headed. However what I can remember is driving to the lake sitting on my dads lap. Begging his to to let me drive around the dirt road with him. I must admit it is kind of cool because to this day that is how I clear my head.

My dad was a hard worker and at times he worked to much. After years of learning more about my dad from different people, I believe the most important thing to me is his legacy. He did allot of things wrong and he wasn't always the best family man, and he had a problem when it cam to drinking. I can say that he did love us more then we will ever know. I believe him and I struggle with the same thing, it was expressing that love to others.

Psalms119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Through all of this I can find comfort that my God has bigger plans then I will ever be able to understand. When I think about all that God has done I am amazed. Today to see how my whole family has a personal relationship with Christ is just amazing. There are many things I must work on when it come to my relationships and when it comes to life. But the one thing I can always hold on to is the truth of the cross and the salvation that can be found from the risen Lord.