I first want to start with simply thanking you for your compassion, prayers, and love. God has shown me so much the last couple of weeks. I have so much to say but holding a lot of it in for the right time. But here are a few things God is doing.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)

Through this journey that scripture has become a reality to me. That Satan's design is to come in and take my heart and mind and make it into something that it simply wasn't designed to be like. I allowed that to happen to many times. I have failed, I have stumbled, and I allowed Satan to take my mind and heart and do something with it that was meant for God.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39 NIV)

Now with some time, counseling, accountability,and even seeking some medical attention my mind set has changed. I've become amazed that what I view has a problem God delights in. My counselor has really helped me make sense of my thoughts. Jeff has met up with me every week at chillis. I've simply wanted to go there because the first young man I had the chance to make an impact on is a waiter there. I've had the opportunity to have dinner with him. He has been able to take me back to that time, when it was simply because I loved God. I saw this young man and saw God in him.

All that is great, but I've also been learning the value of simply having fun in life. I've learned that God has wired me a certain way and that is to bring him Glory. Through laughter, tears, and the words I speak. I am naturally an easy going guy. I've allowed other peoples expectations to change that. I've spent the last several years trying to always become better and not just living and allowing Christ to make me a better person.

I am personally going through the book of Galatians and this verse stuck out.... If I was "trying to be good," I would be rebuilding the same old barn that I tore down. I would be acting as a charlatan. (Galatians 2:18 MSG)

A few weeks ago my heart was in a million pieces. I've simply been allowing God to put those pieces together. I must be honest with you, a few weeks ago I thought I was at the end. But now I am swing that this is just the beginning.

With that being said the greatest thing I have learned is this..,.compassion for one another and the compassion from Jesus Christ is and should be the main focus for my life. At this moment that is something I'm allowing God to build in my life.

Thank you for your prayers and love.

Nick