The last two weeks

high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8:39 MSG)

I haven't had words in awhile to write. I just did this blog thing cause I had to. But God today spoke to me today in away I haven't heard in a while. I understand something I have known for a while. God is for me, not against me. I know that, but today I understand a little more.

The two natural things for me is to give and to help. I must be honest the first week of taking a step back and looking into my heart was painful. On the outside I look like I have it all together, on the inside I was finished. I could no longer hold myself together.

This week I've been able to sit across people and just spill my guts and not feel bad for it. I've been able to understand I am not the only one. As I go through this, my heart breaks because I feel like many times we try to impress God with out abilities and charm. In all reality that is by far the most exhausting thing a person can do. I know because that has been me.

So as I write this I am laughing and enjoying life a little more. I am not healed, but I am allowing God to do the work in me.

Today I had a late lunch with David. We both were making jokes. To think just a few months ago he almost died twice. As a youth pastor I didn't know what to do. I've never been through that. Today I was just amazed that I was looking at a miracle. I started thinking to myself....Gods plan doesn't always make sense, but I must trust.

I am doing ok. I am learning to live for the moment.