Dear God

Dear God,

I lay here asking you am I the real deal? I mean I can read your scripture and I have the ability to share my faith, love, and compassion. My question for you is this just a cover up and am I truly your disciple? Do I do this for approval of people or out of worship for you. I read in your scripture that I am told to bear my cross and follow you. You tell me to hate my mother, father, sister, brother, future wife, and even my own life. Those are all good things, but you go on to say that you are better. My fear God is that I simply play this game with you and it kills me to think that I would do this when you sent your son to the cross to pay for my sins.

God please help me not to just make this a routine in my life. I am amazed at what you have taught me already, but at times I feel that I know what you want me to do but yet not act upon your word. The hardest part is that I have done this in silence not saying a word to people. How foolish and arrogant can I be, to think I could fool you, a God that knows all. To think my pride is more important then your will and that I can simply tell you what needs to happen and believe that it is okay. When I read your scripture I read that I honestly do not measure up to what you have called to be a true disciple of you. As I wrestle wit you on this I have to simply ask....would I truly bear my cross for the love that I have for your son. It is because of that cross I can write and say that I have been forgiving. It is because of that forgiveness and love that I have from you that I should become overwhelmed with your glory.

God please help me to make you a priority and not just the good things in my life. God I love my youth, church, job and most of all relationships. I read your scripture where you tell me to love you and people. I use to say you can't love people with out loving you first. What a lie, because many times I love people over you. I love other people and their culture and I will spend time trying to understand how they live. But then with the same tongue I speak love with, I speak words against the rich man. Your scripture tells me that the the poor man is blessed and the rich man has a difficult time really getting to know you. So God please help me really see you for who you are!

God also please rescue me from people. I like to put on an act that I really don't care what people think. The truth is I care more about what people think then I care about what you think. In all reality I will never have to answer to people at the end of my life. There will be a day when I meet you and my prayer is that you say "well done good and faithful servant." You will not have a check list of all the good things I did or a list of people's lives I touched. I know that is important to you, but what I should fear more is that am I truly following your will.

Thank you for your forgiveness and love for my soul. Help me love you the way you love me.

Nick